Sexcapades - Man Friday

With another stroke of genius, the GIMP (Great Indian Moral Police) has banned sex education in secondary schools in the state. Apparently, sex is not a part of Indian culture. Of course the sweaty masses of human decay that is the Indian population has nothing to do with Sex. In fact babies are springing out of the earth in Vidarbha, leading to a lack of space on farms for other crops. Several people have disagreed with this anti-sex sentiment of the government, pointing towards the Kama Sutra. These people fail to realize that the Kama Sutra is indeed not Indian, but American. It was simply thought of, written, drawn and published in India as the U.S. ‘outsourced’ these ‘peripheral’ activities to the Indians. And just for the record, ‘Murder’ did well in India because it had a good storyline. So stop raising your eyebrows. We Indians are innocent fledglings and we should all show intense gratitude to the GIMP for shielding our eyes from the horrors of procreation. Getting back to the topic, it is my view that sex education in schools is in any case quite unnecessary. After all, kids can always seek advice from their friendly neighbourhood prostitutes who parade themselves at the street corner every night. Kids are smart enough to know where to find them; they just have to look out for the closest Police Naka and the sometimes slutty but highly educational prostitutes are close at hand. In another interesting development, it seems that some of the slightly more enlightened students are taking it upon themselves to show their fellow classmates how to exercise their genitals. Two boys (13 & 11) were recently reported to be found humping the brains out of two eleven year old girls in their school classroom, in full view of their eager and ready to learn classmates. It was also reported that the older boy was shouting out instructions and tips to his classmates while riding one of the girls. Teachers unfortunately interrupted the lesson before the other students could practice. One of the girls was quite rattled by the incident and pleaded her innocence citing peer pressure and saying that she was going through a rebellious phase. In her own words, one minute she was just trying to ‘Stick it to the Man’ and the next minute the man was sticking it in her. The young exhibitionists have been heralded by B schools across the country and one of them has received an offer to be a guest lecturer at IIM Ahemdabad. The dean of India’s premier management institute has vociferously praised the students’ “hands on” method of teaching and says that they have done well to stress upon the practical aspect of education, which is what all the IIMs take pride in. The esteemed educationalist was also impressed by the students’ wit and ability to think on their feet. When asked what they were doing by the teachers, one student cleverly replied ‘Push-ups’. This fantastic turn of events was of course all part of the GIMP’s large plan when they first came up with the ban on sex-ed books. Once again our men in white have outdone themselves and we salute them for making us realize that sex is a dirty filthy thing that Nehru would have balked it, unless of course it was with a white woman who was the wife of the enemy. That’s juts good war strategy. Now please excuse me while I jack off a load while looking at some pictures on desibaba.com.